You shouldn't have done it. You should have split.

Shut up, you.

Their paring off already. You've seen Giant and Hobo Trainer already, you better hurry.

I don't need to pair off. I have he love of a girl back home.

Yeah, tell yourself that. You haven't been sure of that relationship for months now.

...

Besides, it's not like the two of you fucked or anything.

That wasn't her fault, and what makes you think that it would be any better here?

Of course it is. Go out and get plastered, and have a late night in an upsatirs of a frat house, it'll do ya some good.

Never. And you should know better.

Why not? One drunken bang, and 'poof', no more sex phobia.

You don't know that, and when have I ever been known to get plastered, anyway?

...

Thought so... God I miss her. How the hell do the other guys deal with it?

Look, forget them. You and I both know that this is doomed. You've barely survived the first week up here, and it will be two YEARS before she will be a student here. Face it, it's over.

~~~

The voice in my head and I have never got aong very well...

I love Merna. That I know.
Unfortunatley it seems to be the only thing I seem to be sure of anymore. I can't help that she would be better off with somebody else. Somebody who could be there with her, and not eight hours away, somebody who coud understand her better.

Somebody she could have sex with.

It all keeps coming back to that, doesn't it? I think that it may be time to see a professiona about this. I don't know. Not that there is all that much of a rush, I won't be down there until Thanksgiving. Shit.

Other than that, it must be said that college freaking rocks. Of course, class hasn't started yet, but other than that, this has been pretty damn fun. I've made some pretty cool friends already, and its nice to be on my own now.

More on how university life is cool later, for it is well past midnight and I have a 9:05 psych class tomorrow. ((First class of the year))

Goodnight All

There is no good way to type a scream. Any kind of scream really, anger, horror, despair, frustration. They all just kind of end up looking silly in type. This is rather a shame, because I seem to be doing a fair amount of raging recently, and a good way to type out a scream would come in handy about now.

Right, then. I really feel bad, leaving this blog unposted for so long. Unposted, mind you, not unattended. I have at the moment, 4 separate posts sitting as drafts on my blogger dashboard. It's strange, how the smallest things can throw of a post though. Both the pre-warped tour and post-warped both got killed because I couldn't think of a good name for Sidekick well, too late to go back that far. (Warped tour was okay. Way to whiney for my taste.)
(fast forward to Thursday morning 12:30 AM)

Well, I promised that I would finish this one, so here it is. My move up to MTU draws ever nearer, and my last few days here don't seem to be going very well. Last night was spent designing a new business card for my mother, and the rest of my time seems to be devoted to packing. At least I got to hang out with the Lamprey Crew tonight. I did go to Merna's as well, at about 11 o'clock, although I crashed on her futon as soon as I got there. Merna seems to be a more bitter subject as my move draws near.

In this world, there are three things that instill in me a deep, panicking fear that all but immobilizes me. Long before I discovered my third fear, A doctor told me that I had a panic/anxiety order. Until now, this has not been all that much of a problem.
My fears, in order of discovery are these.

Clowns.
Tanning beds.
And now, not only the most disturbing, but the cause of greater panic attacks than anything I have ever had, and the cause of much anger, frustration, and more than a few hours of lost sleep. Sex.

There, it's out. And honestly, I haven't the heart to say anything more about it tonight.