I would like to start out by apologizing about my last post. I had just come from counseling services, where I finally confessed to my worsening hallucinations, (and had one right there, apparently) and was feeling pretty bad, I had been told to go to my room, avoid traffic, and not to drive until I saw a doctor that could prescribe something. I have been now to said 'real' doctor, and had been prescribed a sleep aid... and an antidepressants/anti anxiety drug.

I know that it may seem that I am making a bit of a deal about this, but it kinda scares me. One of the times that I tried to kill myself, I used a sleep drug. Ever since, I have had a fear of any kind of medicine that makes me sleepy. It is a true sign of how bad my insomnia was affecting me that I agreed to take that aid. I have yet, however to that the antidepressants. It was prescribed to me because of my 'apparent' high stress levels and apparently, my sessions with the shrink. I've tried to take it, but I end up just staring at the bottle. I just hate the notion of something that may change the way I feel about things. I worry about taking a drug that is supposed to help me stop worrying because a doctor thought I worried to much. Heh, still sounds stupid.

Anyway, I forgot my remaining two doses of the sleep aid at school, and since coming home, my insomnia has come back near full force. Also, this week at home has revealed to me that I still apparently have sexual issues to get through. Oh, yes, due to my insomnia problem, I managed to late drop the classes that I was failing. My parents, however, have yet to find out that I did this.

In better news, I was recently awarded a project completion bonus for my recent web design work for the college, and will soon be a part time employee with the ITOxygen enterprise group, getting $6-$10 per hour. My old employer gave me a $100 Christmas bonus, even though I haven't worked there for 4 months now. Christmas is tomorrow, and with any luck, I may find a shiny black 30Gig iPod to replace the fallen Brekkfus Sammich.

I know that I have not commented on anybodies blog recently, but I promise that I have been keeping up, and that you have not been abandoned.

Good night, my friends, I'm sorry for freaking out and not elaborating like that. Maybe I need to take post writing lessons from Hyde and Flash.

Oh, and Merry Christmas, folks.

Throw me in a cell and throw away the key, mates, good ole' Chapstick seems to have jumped off the deep end.

DELETED

And sunshine, how did you guess that the common shortening of my name was Chappy? i searched the blog, and I never mentioned it.